Review: The 500 Lunches Effect by Nick Bendel

* Copy courtesy of Publish Central *

When I learned Nick Bendel had lunch with 500 different people over the course of a few years and wrote about his experience in a book, I had to read it! At first I was deeply curious about The 500 Lunches Effect - How Social Courage Changes Everything by Nick Bendel. Would the author provide highlights in chronological order, group the conversations by person, occupation, theme of conversation, level of impact or something else entirely? Turns out it was something else entirely and Bendel takes the helicopter view to set out the life lessons he learned about social courage as part of this mammoth social experiment.

Inspired after reading 100 Lunches with Strangers by Kaley Chu, Nick Bendel decided he wanted to go one step - or 400 steps - further and have lunch with 500 strangers. He contacted Kaley in August 2019 and flew to her city to meet up with her for his very first lunch of the experiment. One down, 499 to go! Bendel points out that Kaley's immediate acceptance was an anomaly and that he rarely received an acceptance or even a reply to his invitations.

"During the six years it took to complete the project, I sent thousands of cold messages on LinkedIn* and email. Roughly 90 per cent never replied. Over the years, fewer than a dozen people responded to explicitly decline. Everyone else simply didn't answer. But eventually, 500 people said yes. And those 500 yeses changed my life." Page 16

I found it interesting that some of the lunch guests the author thought would be impressive weren't. And some of the people he had low expectations of ended up teaching him something important. There was no way of predicting which conversations would be challenging or profound, and people who looked accomplished and successful on paper often disappointed him in person. Bendel shares that a few conversations shifted his thinking entirely and a handful of them even changed the trajectory of his life.

Several themes kept showing up, and essentially:

"People want to feel seen. They want to feel heard. They want to feel interesting, valued and safe. When those conditions exist, trust forms quickly." Page 24

Nick Bendel was a socially withdrawn introvert and he takes the time to reiterate that this project didn't automatically make him into a gregarious extrovert. He's noticed some people wait for the confidence to act in a social setting, whereas he's now of the opinion that you need to act before feeling confident and that confidence will follow.

Bendel also advises that the more times you do something, the less difficult it feels and after reaching out to strangers on a regular basis, this act of social courage began to feel routine to him as time passed. As a consequence, his ability to tolerate mild discomfort improved and his threshold for social discomfort shifted which unlocked behaviours for him that would previously have felt out of reach.

The author offers advice on how to start a conversation and equally points out what 'not to do' which often causes more social anxiety. Much of it makes sense to me but could be life changing for readers who live in their head, focus on trying to impress a person they're in conversation with or lose time worrying about how they're coming across instead of relaxing and being present in the moment.

I did find myself wishing he'd included the content of his cold call lunch invitations in full as an appendix to the book. I'm sure every reader would be curious to see his approach and find out if he tweaked his invitations as the years ticked by. I also wanted more details on the 500 lunch participants and a breakdown of stats for those into that sort of thing would certainly have earned the book another star in this review. Definitely two missed opportunities in my opinion.

Reading The 500 Lunches Effect so soon after Once Upon a Stranger - The Science of How 'Small Talk' Can Add Up to a Big Life by Dr Gillian Sandstrom turned out to be a good move as they complement each other with surprisingly little overlap.

I think I'm warming up more and more to the idea of stunt non fiction like this where a person makes a commitment to take on an unusual and extremely challenging experiment for a fixed period of time or until a specific goal is met and then writes a book about their experience. Another stunt fiction book I've enjoyed is 365 Thank Yous - The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life by John Kralik and The 500 Lunches Effect is an excellent addition to this sub genre of non fiction. 

The 500 Lunches Effect - How Social Courage Changes Everything by Nick Bendel will appeal to readers looking to expand their social and/or professional circle who perhaps lack the incentive, motivation, courage or communication skills to do so.

* Hopefully I'm not the only one who read this and rushed to check my LinkedIn messages just in case Nick Bendel had asked me to lunch and I missed it.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Carpe Librum!

Review: Sleep First by Dr. Jemma King

* Copy courtesy of Wiley *

It's been 10 months since I last read a book on sleep, so when I received an offer to review Sleep First - Sleep Smarter, Think Sharper, Feel Better by Dr. Jemma King I was quick to accept. The book was off to an excellent start and I was very pleased to see the author quoting from historian Roger Ekirch within the opening pages and the fact that he uncovered hundreds of references to 'first sleep' and second sleep' in pre-industrial era documents.

"You've probably heard the compelling story about how humans 'naturally' sleep in two distinct chunks during the night. According to this theory, before the Industrial Revolution ruined everything with electric lights and rigid schedules, people would go to sleep soon after dark, wake up in the middle of the night for an hour or two of quiet activities (prayer, sex, contemplation, light chores), then drift back into a 'second sleep' until dawn. It's called biphasic sleep." Page 3

This is one of my favourite facts about sleep and it's one that isn't widely known. I wish more people knew about this natural phenomenon and that waking up at 3AM is entirely normal. Furthermore, acceptance of this ancient human biology will aid those feeling anxious about waking through the night, fearing they won't fall back to sleep and will feel tired as a consequence the following day.

I particularly enjoyed the chapter entitled 'Choosing the Fire: Special Forces and Elite Athletes' where the author outlines her experience working with the Australian Special Forces and the experiments she conducted during the Commando selection process.

Dr King provides a useful list of self talk and the harm it does and offers helpful alternatives you can try instead. Each one begins with a belief - like "I'm not tired yet" - and then encourages the reader to 'Try this instead' and explains 'Why it works'. This is effective, however the headings are around the wrong way. This proved confusing until I noticed the editing error and it's a shame because some of the suggestions are really great but their impact may be lost with the interrupted flow.

I haven't seen this in many of the books I've read before about sleep, but Dr King includes a chapter on sleep and technology, covering the pros and cons of wearable devices that can track sleep as well as other technology aids and devices that can aid in a good night's sleep. I was very interested in smart mattresses and rocking beds and plan to look into these a little more after writing this review.

My key takeaway after reading Sleep First - Sleep Smarter, Think Sharper, Feel Better by Dr. Jemma King is a consistent wake time. The time I go to bed and read is very consistent, but my wake time used to vary widely. Before reading this book I'd already started to trial a more consistent wake up / get up time regardless of the level of activity or pain experienced the day before. The author does an excellent job of explaining the importance and benefits of doing so and here's just one reason:

"Researchers have calculated that if everyone just adopted a sleep routine covering the same 7 hours each night, population-wide mental disorder rates could drop by 23 per cent through the simple low-cost act of going to bed and waking up at consistent times." Page 91

Sleep First - Sleep Smarter, Think Sharper, Feel Better by Dr. Jemma King is recommended for anyone wanting to improve their sleep quality. If you struggle to get to sleep or stay asleep, suffer from chronic tiredness or insomnia or you're just interested in learning more about sleep and maximising your quality of sleep - sleepmaxxing, it's a thing - then there's plenty to learn here. You can even read the first chapter for free. Oh, and did I mention she's Australian?

Sleep well tonight!

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Carpe Librum!

Review: Once Upon a Stranger by Dr Gillian Sandstrom

I regularly make small talk and engage with strangers so it might surprise those who know me that I'd be interested in reading a book like Once Upon a Stranger - The Science of How 'Small Talk' Can Add Up to a Big Life by Dr Gillian Sandstrom. This book serves as a how-to for readers who find it uncomfortable to make small talk with people they know let alone those they don't know.

I'm an extrovert who frequently overcomes the fear of rejection or an awkward interaction to make an effort to exchange a few words with people. It might be in the lift, in a store or at a concert and most of the time these small exchanges are fun and pleasant, although sometimes they make my husband cringe. The reason I wanted to delve deeper into this topic is because we're in a loneliness epidemic and I worry that younger generations are losing their social skills.

Dr Gillian Sandstrom is an Associate Professor in the Psychology of Kindness - I didn't know that was a thing either - and clearly outlines the purpose of her book in the introduction.

"Now, not only do I regularly talk to strangers, I also study talking to strangers for a living, as a professor of psychology. (I'm a researcher, not a therapist or clinical psychologist - no couches in sight.) I've made it my scientific mission to understand the reasons that we feel anxious about talking to strangers and all the ways that we benefit if we're able to push past our fears. In this book, I'll share what I (and other researchers) have learned." Page 4

As a person who already practices the art of small talk, the author was essentially preaching to the choir, as I already understand and regularly experience the mutual benefits of engaging with a stranger.

I've noticed a cultural shift away from chatting on the phone or making phone calls and an increased reliance on text messages and email correspondence. Just this week the only way I could contact a new business I wanted to book a consultation with was via a WhatsApp text. I phoned another business and left a message to make an appointment and they didn't answer but texted me straight back instead. For years now, businesses have been asking customers on hold to their call centres to visit their website instead and now when you want to do something it has to be done via their App. Gah! Apart from being frustrating for those of us who are 'old school' this technology is stripping away social interactions and as a result, younger generations have real anxiety about initiating a conversation with another person or even answering their phone.

"A recent market research poll even found that 20 percent of women and 46 percent of men felt somewhat or very confident that they could land a plane if the pilot was incapacitated - a feat that, according to experts, would be nearly impossible for someone with no experience. In other words, many of us think we'd have almost as good a chance of landing a plane as we do of successfully navigating a conversation with a stranger at a party. This is not only ridiculous but untrue". Page 29

A new to me term I learned in the book is 'polite civil inattention'. An example of this is noticing someone at a bus stop or in a lift but actively choosing not to make direct eye contact or engage with them. It's an unspoken social norm where people acknowledge the presence of strangers in public with a brief glance but then quickly look away.

While acknowledging this is sometimes necessary, Sandstrom encourages readers to consider moving beyond civil inattention to interacting with a stranger, repeatedly extolling the virtues of short interactions that can boost our mood, our confidence and our sense of human connection in the world.

While I was reading Once Upon a Stranger, I became acutely aware of the times I initiate conversation with strangers and the author's right, I end up feeling good about it each and every time. I recently made eye contact with a woman at the local op shop while having a quick browse after making a donation and she immediately asked me to read the maker's mark on the back of a plate for her. I had to get my glasses out and we had a laugh and she said I'd made her day. She could just as easily have taken it up to the counter but there's something about helping another person that feels good.

Sandstrom also writes about experiencing shared reality and how it makes us feel connected to other people and gives us a sense of belonging. I experience this at the Dawn Service on ANZAC Day and it's the magic behind attending a music concert and singing the lyrics of a favourite song along with thousands of other fans.

I also loved learning the new (to me) french term esprit d'escalier and realised I regularly suffer from it myself:

"There have been several occasions when, after walking away from a conversation with a stranger, I think of something that I wish I'd said (often a joke I wished I'd made) or a question I wish I'd asked... There's a French term for this: esprit d'escalier. It literally means "wit of the staircase" - thinking of the perfect thing to say only after leaving the room and walking down the stairs." Page 163

For some reason, Sandstrom gives the negative self talk many people experience when it comes to the fear of talking to strangers a name and I found it incredibly condescending and annoying.

"This negative voice is, unfortunately, a main character in our lives and in this book, so I think it needs a name. Given its insidious nature, I'm going to call this devious character Sid. I'm hoping that, by giving this voice a name, we'll be able to think about it in a more objective way and learn to question and challenge it. (I encourage you to give yours a silly name too.)" Page 15

Indeed, I found this very silly and the continual and repeated mention of Sid throughout the entire text grated on my nerves quickly and cost the book a star.

The entire time I was reading this, I was looking forward to the How-To Appendix flagged on page 7, and expected to see a list with some recommended conversations starters. The Appendix provides commentary on choosing a person to start a conversation with and the situation but not a list of suggested words to say. The author gives us her favourite conversation starter of "whatcha doing" but I was disappointed not to find a lengthy list of conversation starters in the appendix and it would have been a terrific addition to the book. Alas, another star was deducted for the lost opportunity.

Once Upon a Stranger - The Science of How 'Small Talk' Can Add Up to a Big Life by Dr Gillian Sandstrom is recommended for readers who struggle to make small talk or see the value in it. Those who see the opportunities and advantages it provides and wish they had the confidence to engage with strangers more often will also benefit from the advice offered here.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Carpe Librum!

Review: And How Does That Make You Feel? by Joshua Fletcher

Joshua Fletcher became a Psychotherapist specialising in anxiety after struggling with anxiety in his early 20s and suffering from panic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.

In his book, And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You (N)ever Wanted To Know About Therapy, Joshua Fletcher takes you into his therapy room and shares the therapeutic relationship he develops with four of his patients.

Part memoir, Fletcher is clear early on that finding the right modality of therapy is important, as is finding a therapist that feels right for you. I wasn't aware of all the modalities in this field and the author provides a brief overview of each one.

Unique to this book - at least to my knowledge - Fletcher uses a writing technique that incorporates his inner voices with the text of his book. He refers to them as 'characters at a big round thought table, each voice squabbling, debating and fighting for attention' in his mind. Fletcher has named each of his inner voices, and the ones that pop up throughout his therapy sessions include:

Analytical: seeing things from the perspective of counselling theory

Anxiety: the voice of worry that focusses on threats and unlikely catastrophes

Biology: hunger, fatigue, pain, discomfort, toileting, temperature etc.

Compassion: the willingness to understand and help

Critic: a judging voice

Detective: the voice that searches for clues and meaning

Empathy: trying to imagine and experience how they are feeling

Escapist: the voice encouraging me to avoid difficult feelings

Intuition: a nudge from the gut that goes beyond rationale and reason

Irreverence: bizarre and unexpected thoughts that creep into the therapy room

Saviour: the desire to 'save' a person outside the realms of professional duty

Trigger: jealousy, anxiety, anger, defensiveness and associated trauma

Volition: choosing to listen to a more appropriate voice than the one that initially arises

                                                                                            The Inner Voices of the Therapist

How this works is that he provides details of the session and shares the moment when these inner voices intervene, naming them as he goes. For example, in the case a patient mentions they have a secret they've been hiding for many years, his Detective inner voice will wonder what it is. It seems as though he's constantly receiving information from his inner voices and what emerges is a balancing act between his training, medical knowledge and the comments offered by these voices.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised we all have these to a certain extent but I never thought to name them. I certainly have Biology, Compassion, Critic, Detective, Empathy and Intuition for starters. This insight into a therapist's inner thoughts - or voices - gives the reader some idea of what a therapist is thinking while listening to their patients and it's heartening to know that therapists are often dealing with competing approaches.

Narrating the audiobook himself was a terrific choice and Fletcher changes the names of each of the patients so they can't be identified. One of the patients included was a very famous actress and I was desperate to know who she was. Referred to as Daphne, I understood why the author couldn't share her identity in the book yet it still felt incredibly frustrating not to know who she was. So much so, I found myself wondering if it would have been better to choose someone without a public profile that would keep the reader guessing. Or was that the point?

Another of the patients had an odd relationship with his wife in a scenario that was so unusual I wondered whether it was chosen because it was so strange. Given Fletcher's speciality in anxiety, maybe these four patients were an accurate representation of his patient list but at least two of them seemed to me to be outliers or extraordinary cases and it was hard to learn from their progress.

And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You (N)ever Wanted To Know About Therapy by Joshua Fletcher will appeal to those considering therapy for the first time or readers curious to know what happens in the therapy room and what the therapist 'really' thinks.

For those who want to know more, Joshua Fletcher is known as Anxiety Josh on social media and has a new book out next month called Same Time Next Week? Living With Anxiety in the Modern World.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Carpe Librum!

Review: Sleep Hacks by Keith Barry

The latest audiobook in my never ending exploration of the topic of sleep is Sleep Hacks - Discover the Life-Changing Tranquility of Deep Sleep by Keith Barry. Interestingly, the author provides 21 hacks in 3 sections, advising the reader to choose 1 hack from each section in order to achieve a rejuvenating night's sleep. If for some reason you don't see any improvement in your sleep patterns, switch out one of the hacks for something else.

It seems simple enough but Barry is firm early on that this system won't help readers who aren't determined to apply the learnings and stick to the program. If you don't have the discipline, Barry essentially encourages the reader to come back another time which I respected. He's essentially advocating the success of his program based on the dedication and discipline from those who choose to apply it as intended.

My sleep has improved greatly over the years and I decided to read for interest without strictly implementing his program.

In Chapter 3 Feed Your Brain: Eat Well to Sleep Well, the author provides an interesting list of foods that have been scientifically proven to potentially aid sleep. These include: cherries, walnuts, almonds, pecans, oats, bananas, kiwi fruit, spinach, live yoghurt, turkey, salmon or other oily fish, passionfruit, dragon fruit, pumpkin seeds, cheese, prunes, whole grains and watermelon. The author then asks the reader to choose two food items to eat each day from this list. For those struggling with sleep, it couldn't hurt to try some of these foods, but I doubt they'll cure your insomnia if you don't make any of the other changes suggested in his program.

I believe it was Jade Wu who solidified the phenomenon of sleep arousal in my mind when I read Hello Sleep and I've never forgotten it. Coincidentally, my favourite part of Sleep Hacks wasn't a new concept or breakthrough, but a simple list of the types of thoughts that keep people awake (sleep arousal) as they attempt to sleep. This is from Chapter 7 Mind Wipe.

Did I lock the back door?
What if my alarm doesn't go off tomorrow?
I'm not ready for the big meeting on Friday
Why did I arrange to meet someone after work when I'd rather go home to my kids?
I think that person took what I said the wrong way
I keep buying clothes I don't need and my credit card bill is terrifying
What will I cook for dinner tomorrow?
Will my mother remember she has the kids after school?
Can I skip the gym tomorrow?
How can I quit my job?
Why is the pain in my shoulder getting worse?
The house is a tip and I don't have the energy to sort it out
I am so annoyed my boss called for a meeting at 4.30PM
Can polystyrene go in the recycling bin? I'd better check
How am I going to be able to afford a holiday this year?
I forgot to text my sister back, she's going to be annoyed

I loved these examples of self talk that go on in the minds of people in general, not just when it's time to sleep. My internal chatter sounds a lot like this, and the native Irish accent by narrator Brendan Dempsey was absolutely perfect for this section.

Sleep Hacks by Keith Barry was an enjoyable read on the topic of sleep and I have faith his program will work for those dedicated enough to apply and stick with it.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant

In the mood again to tackle another self help book, I recently listened to the audiobook of Hidden Potential - The Science of Achieving Greater Things by Adam Grant. With an endorsement from tennis champion Serena Williams, I was confident Hidden Potential would provide a number of pearls of wisdom to add to my growing collection.

The author includes achievements by an array of inspiring individuals from all walks of life which was mildly interesting but this book is a better launching pad for those with low self esteem who feel underrated and overlooked. I guess I should be thankful that's not me.

Throughout the audiobook, there were snippets read by other contributors that distracted from the overall flow of the content. If they were longer they may have had value but I just found them irritating and a distraction.

I did enjoy this tidbit about the difference between asking for feedback and asking for advice.

"Instead of seeking feedback, you're better off asking for advice. Feedback tends to focus on how well you did last time. Advice shifts attention to how you can do better next time. In experiments, that simple shift is enough to elicit more specific suggestions and more constructive input. Rather than dwelling on what you did wrong, advice guides you toward what you can do right." Chapter 2, Human Sponges - Building the Capacity to Absorb and Adapt

I can understand how this book has helped readers overcome psychological barriers and inspired them to chase after their dreams, but for a reader who has read many self help books I didn't find a previously untapped reservoir of hidden potential to draw from.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Feel-Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal

According to the blurb, Dr Ali Abdaal is the world's most-followed productivity expert and in Feel-Good Productivity - How to Do More of What Matters to You he shares his insights based on his study on the subject of productivity.

During medical school, the author became interested in the science of productivity in an effort to get more out of his day. While working as a Doctor for the NHS in the UK he reached a point of burn out and realised he needed to make some changes to his life.

This self help book is broken down into the following three components: Part 1 Energise, Part 2 Unblock and Part 3 Sustain. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that Dr Abdaal's secret to positivity is joy. The essence of his advice is to find a way to experience positive emotions in your work which will enable you to generate more energy to give to work and the other areas of your life.

This isn't a book about time management, prioritising or to-do lists and there wasn't much new-to-me-content on offer, but more about that in a minute.

Most of us have heard the term SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Relevant, Time-related), but in the chapter entitled Seek Clarity, I did learn about NICE goals for the first time.

N - near-term goals (daily or weekly objectives) ensure we're not overwhelmed by the bigger picture and help us to concentrate on the immediate steps we need to take.

I - input-based goals emphasise the process not the outcome. For example, go for a 10 minute walk every day rather than lose 5kg this year.

C - controllable goals are those within our control, naturally. Keep it realistic.

E - energising goals consider a way to integrate play, power and people into each goal.

The side by side comparison between SMART goals (lose 5 kgs in the next three months) and NICE goals (exercise for 30 minutes every day and focus on activities that are enjoyable and manageable) was interesting and probably my main takeaway from the book.

Abdaal narrates the audiobook in a friendly and appealing tone and following along with a print copy from the library, I was struck by just how much his approach seemed to be an amalgamation of my own reading on the topic. Make a dull task fun by listening to music, attach goals to existing behaviours and habit stack in order to establish new positive habits, push through procrastination by deciding to spend 5 minutes on the task.

Even the author's anecdote about the writing habits of Brandon Sanderson has been mentioned in other books I've read. This is the first time I've used ChatGPT to write a review, but I was sure I'd read about Sanderson's progress tracking and the fact he doesn't stop writing until he's reached 2,000 words every day in other self help books. A quick search with the help of AI confirmed my suspicions and this example has appeared in Atomic Habits by James Clear and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. How I feel about the use of AI to fact check a book review is probably a topic to consider another day, but what do you think, is it cheating?

In summary, Feel-Good Productivity - How to Do More of What Matters to You by Dr Ali Abdaal is a good starting point for readers new to the topic of productivity or those disenchanted with their career or field of study. If you've read any - or a combination - of the titles below, you won't find anything vastly new here.

Still considering? Read a FREE extract of the book.

For more on the topic:
100 Ways to Motivate Yourself by Steve Chandler
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Fish! A Proven Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results by Stephen C. Lundin
What Makes Us Tick by Hugh Mackay
The Inner Self by Hugh Mackay
Just One Thing by Dr Michael Mosley
Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Difficult People by Rebecca Ray

Living on the Sunshine Coast of Australia, Dr Rebecca Ray is a clinical psychologist and author of several books, including her latest published in 2023, Difficult People - Dealing with the Bad Behaviour of Difficult People.

Dr Ray outlines various difficult people and helpfully provides examples of what their behaviour might look like and the form it can take in real life. When providing advice around the setting of boundaries for particular personality types and situations, the author also gives several examples and suggestions of dialogue the reader can try in those situations.

What would have elevated the book for me would have been dialogue examples for the mildly concerning situations as well as the highly intense and potentially dangerous scenarios. Taking it one step further, if the author had presented them with an escalation in her tone to reflect the appropriate seriousness, I believe this would have provided a deeper and much needed resource for readers. Put simply, some of the suggestions were too nice and a sedate approach doesn't work for all recipients.

Choosing to narrate the audiobook herself was an inspired choice and the occasional laugh and self acknowledgement was a relatable touch. I could almost imagine myself on Dr Ray's consulting couch or therapy lounge as she spoke in general terms about psychological safety and how best to preserve it.

Dr Ray readily acknowledged the reader may have come across this particular book because they themselves are a difficult person, and in doing so, managed to make everyone feel welcome and seen without judgement.

Having read more than 50 self help books about personality types, relationships, communication and psychology over the years, this book wasn't able to offer me anything new on the topic, however I did enjoy the Australian perspective and the refresher on boundaries didn't hurt.

Difficult People - Dealing with the Bad Behaviour of Difficult People by Dr Rebecca Ray is best suited for readers new to self help books and the topics of communication, managing relationships and conflict.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

I was given a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius by a family member for Christmas in 2021 and it contains the spiritual reflections of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius from 180AD. I'll admit it was a little intimidating, difficult to read at times and the sentiments became repetitive but I’m pleased to have read it.

Meditations is a collection of personal thoughts divided into 12 books although I wasn't able to discern any clear theme or order to any of the books. Marcus Aureliuis had a staunch belief in the gods and that the soul lives on after death. Believing all things have a natural beginning and an end, he also held the view that the gods would never give a man more than he could endure.

Reading like a series of dot points from a self help book, here's an example of advice from early on in the book that we can still apply today:

"Do not waste the remaining part of your life in thoughts about other people, when you are not thinking with reference to some aspect of the common good. Why deprive yourself of the time for some other task? I mean, thinking about what so-and-so is doing, and why, what he is saying or contemplating or plotting, and all that line of thought, makes you stray from the close watch on your own directing mind." Page 17

The author never expected his work to be published which explains the lack of order or cohesion to his thoughts. Instead, these writings are personal reminders to himself on how to 'do better' as we say today. It includes sage advice for the ages, like this:

"The best revenge is not to be like your enemy." Page 46

Reading Meditations is akin to reading a series of distilled diary entries or prompts on how to lead a principled life and be a good example to others, and included suggestions like this one:

"So keep yourself simple, good, pure, serious, unpretentious, a friend of justice, god-fearing, kind, full of affection, strong for your proper work. Strive hard to remain the same man that philosophy wished to make you. Revere the gods, look after men. Life is short. The one harvest of existence on earth is a godly habit of mind and social action." Page 51

Marcus Aurelius mentions the duty of man many times in his writings, and believes strongly that to be a good person you need to contribute positively to the community, best summarised in this observation:

"What does not benefit the hive does not benefit the bee either." Page 57

I found some of his opinions harsh, particularly his thoughts about death and sleep:

"When you are reluctant to get up from your sleep, remind yourself that it is your constitution and man's nature to perform social acts, whereas sleep is something you share with dumb animals. Now what accords with the nature of each being is thereby the more closely related to it, the more in its essence, and indeed the more to its liking." Page 73

Marcus Aurelius didn't appear to fear death, quite the opposite actually. He wrote frequently of facing the fact death is inevitable and advising not to worry about it. Instead he encouraged embracing death although there's no way of knowing if he was able to do this himself when his time came.

"What dies does not pass out of the universe. If it remains here and is changed, then here too it is resolved into the everlasting constituents, which are the elements of the universe and of you yourself. These too change, and make no complaint of it." Page 74

If I had to summarise Meditations, I would say the overall sentiment is: life is short, we will all die soon and be forgotten so work hard, obey the gods and be an upstanding man.

"Work. Don't work as a miserable drudge, or in any expectation of pity or admiration. One aim only: action or inaction as civic cause demands." Page 86

I wonder what the author would think of today's society and work ethic. What's clear in his work is his recognition of the passage of time, and how quickly we die and will soon after be forgotten. Perhaps he would be pleased to know that centuries later people still study his work, but most of us can never hope to achieve this type of legacy.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius was repetitive and a tough read given the translation, beliefs of the times and the dot point nature begging an overarching structure that just wasn't there. In this case, the sense of accomplishment I feel after reading Meditations is greater than my rating, but 'I make no complaint of it' and am more than satisfied.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★