Review: And How Does That Make You Feel? by Joshua Fletcher

Joshua Fletcher became a Psychotherapist specialising in anxiety after struggling with anxiety in his early 20s and suffering from panic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.

In his book, And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You (N)ever Wanted To Know About Therapy, Joshua Fletcher takes you into his therapy room and shares the therapeutic relationship he develops with four of his patients.

Part memoir, Fletcher is clear early on that finding the right modality of therapy is important, as is finding a therapist that feels right for you. I wasn't aware of all the modalities in this field and the author provides a brief overview of each one.

Unique to this book - at least to my knowledge - Fletcher uses a writing technique that incorporates his inner voices with the text of his book. He refers to them as 'characters at a big round thought table, each voice squabbling, debating and fighting for attention' in his mind. Fletcher has named each of his inner voices, and the ones that pop up throughout his therapy sessions include:

Analytical: seeing things from the perspective of counselling theory

Anxiety: the voice of worry that focusses on threats and unlikely catastrophes

Biology: hunger, fatigue, pain, discomfort, toileting, temperature etc.

Compassion: the willingness to understand and help

Critic: a judging voice

Detective: the voice that searches for clues and meaning

Empathy: trying to imagine and experience how they are feeling

Escapist: the voice encouraging me to avoid difficult feelings

Intuition: a nudge from the gut that goes beyond rationale and reason

Irreverence: bizarre and unexpected thoughts that creep into the therapy room

Saviour: the desire to 'save' a person outside the realms of professional duty

Trigger: jealousy, anxiety, anger, defensiveness and associated trauma

Volition: choosing to listen to a more appropriate voice than the one that initially arises

                                                                                            The Inner Voices of the Therapist

How this works is that he provides details of the session and shares the moment when these inner voices intervene, naming them as he goes. For example, in the case a patient mentions they have a secret they've been hiding for many years, his Detective inner voice will wonder what it is. It seems as though he's constantly receiving information from his inner voices and what emerges is a balancing act between his training, medical knowledge and the comments offered by these voices.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised we all have these to a certain extent but I never thought to name them. I certainly have Biology, Compassion, Critic, Detective, Empathy and Intuition for starters. This insight into a therapist's inner thoughts - or voices - gives the reader some idea of what a therapist is thinking while listening to their patients and it's heartening to know that therapists are often dealing with competing approaches.

Narrating the audiobook himself was a terrific choice and Fletcher changes the names of each of the patients so they can't be identified. One of the patients included was a very famous actress and I was desperate to know who she was. Referred to as Daphne, I understood why the author couldn't share her identity in the book yet it still felt incredibly frustrating not to know who she was. So much so, I found myself wondering if it would have been better to choose someone without a public profile that would keep the reader guessing. Or was that the point?

Another of the patients had an odd relationship with his wife in a scenario that was so unusual I wondered whether it was chosen because it was so strange. Given Fletcher's speciality in anxiety, maybe these four patients were an accurate representation of his patient list but at least two of them seemed to me to be outliers or extraordinary cases and it was hard to learn from their progress.

And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You (N)ever Wanted To Know About Therapy by Joshua Fletcher will appeal to those considering therapy for the first time or readers curious to know what happens in the therapy room and what the therapist 'really' thinks.

For those who want to know more, Joshua Fletcher is known as Anxiety Josh on social media and has a new book out next month called Same Time Next Week? Living With Anxiety in the Modern World.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Carpe Librum!

Review: Sleep Hacks by Keith Barry

The latest audiobook in my never ending exploration of the topic of sleep is Sleep Hacks - Discover the Life-Changing Tranquility of Deep Sleep by Keith Barry. Interestingly, the author provides 21 hacks in 3 sections, advising the reader to choose 1 hack from each section in order to achieve a rejuvenating night's sleep. If for some reason you don't see any improvement in your sleep patterns, switch out one of the hacks for something else.

It seems simple enough but Barry is firm early on that this system won't help readers who aren't determined to apply the learnings and stick to the program. If you don't have the discipline, Barry essentially encourages the reader to come back another time which I respected. He's essentially advocating the success of his program based on the dedication and discipline from those who choose to apply it as intended.

My sleep has improved greatly over the years and I decided to read for interest without strictly implementing his program.

In Chapter 3 Feed Your Brain: Eat Well to Sleep Well, the author provides an interesting list of foods that have been scientifically proven to potentially aid sleep. These include: cherries, walnuts, almonds, pecans, oats, bananas, kiwi fruit, spinach, live yoghurt, turkey, salmon or other oily fish, passionfruit, dragon fruit, pumpkin seeds, cheese, prunes, whole grains and watermelon. The author then asks the reader to choose two food items to eat each day from this list. For those struggling with sleep, it couldn't hurt to try some of these foods, but I doubt they'll cure your insomnia if you don't make any of the other changes suggested in his program.

I believe it was Jade Wu who solidified the phenomenon of sleep arousal in my mind when I read Hello Sleep and I've never forgotten it. Coincidentally, my favourite part of Sleep Hacks wasn't a new concept or breakthrough, but a simple list of the types of thoughts that keep people awake (sleep arousal) as they attempt to sleep. This is from Chapter 7 Mind Wipe.

Did I lock the back door?
What if my alarm doesn't go off tomorrow?
I'm not ready for the big meeting on Friday
Why did I arrange to meet someone after work when I'd rather go home to my kids?
I think that person took what I said the wrong way
I keep buying clothes I don't need and my credit card bill is terrifying
What will I cook for dinner tomorrow?
Will my mother remember she has the kids after school?
Can I skip the gym tomorrow?
How can I quit my job?
Why is the pain in my shoulder getting worse?
The house is a tip and I don't have the energy to sort it out
I am so annoyed my boss called for a meeting at 4.30PM
Can polystyrene go in the recycling bin? I'd better check
How am I going to be able to afford a holiday this year?
I forgot to text my sister back, she's going to be annoyed

I loved these examples of self talk that go on in the minds of people in general, not just when it's time to sleep. My internal chatter sounds a lot like this, and the native Irish accent by narrator Brendan Dempsey was absolutely perfect for this section.

Sleep Hacks by Keith Barry was an enjoyable read on the topic of sleep and I have faith his program will work for those dedicated enough to apply and stick with it.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant

In the mood again to tackle another self help book, I recently listened to the audiobook of Hidden Potential - The Science of Achieving Greater Things by Adam Grant. With an endorsement from tennis champion Serena Williams, I was confident Hidden Potential would provide a number of pearls of wisdom to add to my growing collection.

The author includes achievements by an array of inspiring individuals from all walks of life which was mildly interesting but this book is a better launching pad for those with low self esteem who feel underrated and overlooked. I guess I should be thankful that's not me.

Throughout the audiobook, there were snippets read by other contributors that distracted from the overall flow of the content. If they were longer they may have had value but I just found them irritating and a distraction.

I did enjoy this tidbit about the difference between asking for feedback and asking for advice.

"Instead of seeking feedback, you're better off asking for advice. Feedback tends to focus on how well you did last time. Advice shifts attention to how you can do better next time. In experiments, that simple shift is enough to elicit more specific suggestions and more constructive input. Rather than dwelling on what you did wrong, advice guides you toward what you can do right." Chapter 2, Human Sponges - Building the Capacity to Absorb and Adapt

I can understand how this book has helped readers overcome psychological barriers and inspired them to chase after their dreams, but for a reader who has read many self help books I didn't find a previously untapped reservoir of hidden potential to draw from.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Feel-Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal

According to the blurb, Dr Ali Abdaal is the world's most-followed productivity expert and in Feel-Good Productivity - How to Do More of What Matters to You he shares his insights based on his study on the subject of productivity.

During medical school, the author became interested in the science of productivity in an effort to get more out of his day. While working as a Doctor for the NHS in the UK he reached a point of burn out and realised he needed to make some changes to his life.

This self help book is broken down into the following three components: Part 1 Energise, Part 2 Unblock and Part 3 Sustain. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that Dr Abdaal's secret to positivity is joy. The essence of his advice is to find a way to experience positive emotions in your work which will enable you to generate more energy to give to work and the other areas of your life.

This isn't a book about time management, prioritising or to-do lists and there wasn't much new-to-me-content on offer, but more about that in a minute.

Most of us have heard the term SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Relevant, Time-related), but in the chapter entitled Seek Clarity, I did learn about NICE goals for the first time.

N - near-term goals (daily or weekly objectives) ensure we're not overwhelmed by the bigger picture and help us to concentrate on the immediate steps we need to take.

I - input-based goals emphasise the process not the outcome. For example, go for a 10 minute walk every day rather than lose 5kg this year.

C - controllable goals are those within our control, naturally. Keep it realistic.

E - energising goals consider a way to integrate play, power and people into each goal.

The side by side comparison between SMART goals (lose 5 kgs in the next three months) and NICE goals (exercise for 30 minutes every day and focus on activities that are enjoyable and manageable) was interesting and probably my main takeaway from the book.

Abdaal narrates the audiobook in a friendly and appealing tone and following along with a print copy from the library, I was struck by just how much his approach seemed to be an amalgamation of my own reading on the topic. Make a dull task fun by listening to music, attach goals to existing behaviours and habit stack in order to establish new positive habits, push through procrastination by deciding to spend 5 minutes on the task.

Even the author's anecdote about the writing habits of Brandon Sanderson has been mentioned in other books I've read. This is the first time I've used ChatGPT to write a review, but I was sure I'd read about Sanderson's progress tracking and the fact he doesn't stop writing until he's reached 2,000 words every day in other self help books. A quick search with the help of AI confirmed my suspicions and this example has appeared in Atomic Habits by James Clear and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. How I feel about the use of AI to fact check a book review is probably a topic to consider another day, but what do you think, is it cheating?

In summary, Feel-Good Productivity - How to Do More of What Matters to You by Dr Ali Abdaal is a good starting point for readers new to the topic of productivity or those disenchanted with their career or field of study. If you've read any - or a combination - of the titles below, you won't find anything vastly new here.

Still considering? Read a FREE extract of the book.

For more on the topic:
100 Ways to Motivate Yourself by Steve Chandler
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Fish! A Proven Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results by Stephen C. Lundin
What Makes Us Tick by Hugh Mackay
The Inner Self by Hugh Mackay
Just One Thing by Dr Michael Mosley
Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Difficult People by Rebecca Ray

Living on the Sunshine Coast of Australia, Dr Rebecca Ray is a clinical psychologist and author of several books, including her latest published in 2023, Difficult People - Dealing with the Bad Behaviour of Difficult People.

Dr Ray outlines various difficult people and helpfully provides examples of what their behaviour might look like and the form it can take in real life. When providing advice around the setting of boundaries for particular personality types and situations, the author also gives several examples and suggestions of dialogue the reader can try in those situations.

What would have elevated the book for me would have been dialogue examples for the mildly concerning situations as well as the highly intense and potentially dangerous scenarios. Taking it one step further, if the author had presented them with an escalation in her tone to reflect the appropriate seriousness, I believe this would have provided a deeper and much needed resource for readers. Put simply, some of the suggestions were too nice and a sedate approach doesn't work for all recipients.

Choosing to narrate the audiobook herself was an inspired choice and the occasional laugh and self acknowledgement was a relatable touch. I could almost imagine myself on Dr Ray's consulting couch or therapy lounge as she spoke in general terms about psychological safety and how best to preserve it.

Dr Ray readily acknowledged the reader may have come across this particular book because they themselves are a difficult person, and in doing so, managed to make everyone feel welcome and seen without judgement.

Having read more than 50 self help books about personality types, relationships, communication and psychology over the years, this book wasn't able to offer me anything new on the topic, however I did enjoy the Australian perspective and the refresher on boundaries didn't hurt.

Difficult People - Dealing with the Bad Behaviour of Difficult People by Dr Rebecca Ray is best suited for readers new to self help books and the topics of communication, managing relationships and conflict.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

I was given a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius by a family member for Christmas in 2021 and it contains the spiritual reflections of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius from 180AD. I'll admit it was a little intimidating, difficult to read at times and the sentiments became repetitive but I’m pleased to have read it.

Meditations is a collection of personal thoughts divided into 12 books although I wasn't able to discern any clear theme or order to any of the books. Marcus Aureliuis had a staunch belief in the gods and that the soul lives on after death. Believing all things have a natural beginning and an end, he also held the view that the gods would never give a man more than he could endure.

Reading like a series of dot points from a self help book, here's an example of advice from early on in the book that we can still apply today:

"Do not waste the remaining part of your life in thoughts about other people, when you are not thinking with reference to some aspect of the common good. Why deprive yourself of the time for some other task? I mean, thinking about what so-and-so is doing, and why, what he is saying or contemplating or plotting, and all that line of thought, makes you stray from the close watch on your own directing mind." Page 17

The author never expected his work to be published which explains the lack of order or cohesion to his thoughts. Instead, these writings are personal reminders to himself on how to 'do better' as we say today. It includes sage advice for the ages, like this:

"The best revenge is not to be like your enemy." Page 46

Reading Meditations is akin to reading a series of distilled diary entries or prompts on how to lead a principled life and be a good example to others, and included suggestions like this one:

"So keep yourself simple, good, pure, serious, unpretentious, a friend of justice, god-fearing, kind, full of affection, strong for your proper work. Strive hard to remain the same man that philosophy wished to make you. Revere the gods, look after men. Life is short. The one harvest of existence on earth is a godly habit of mind and social action." Page 51

Marcus Aurelius mentions the duty of man many times in his writings, and believes strongly that to be a good person you need to contribute positively to the community, best summarised in this observation:

"What does not benefit the hive does not benefit the bee either." Page 57

I found some of his opinions harsh, particularly his thoughts about death and sleep:

"When you are reluctant to get up from your sleep, remind yourself that it is your constitution and man's nature to perform social acts, whereas sleep is something you share with dumb animals. Now what accords with the nature of each being is thereby the more closely related to it, the more in its essence, and indeed the more to its liking." Page 73

Marcus Aurelius didn't appear to fear death, quite the opposite actually. He wrote frequently of facing the fact death is inevitable and advising not to worry about it. Instead he encouraged embracing death although there's no way of knowing if he was able to do this himself when his time came.

"What dies does not pass out of the universe. If it remains here and is changed, then here too it is resolved into the everlasting constituents, which are the elements of the universe and of you yourself. These too change, and make no complaint of it." Page 74

If I had to summarise Meditations, I would say the overall sentiment is: life is short, we will all die soon and be forgotten so work hard, obey the gods and be an upstanding man.

"Work. Don't work as a miserable drudge, or in any expectation of pity or admiration. One aim only: action or inaction as civic cause demands." Page 86

I wonder what the author would think of today's society and work ethic. What's clear in his work is his recognition of the passage of time, and how quickly we die and will soon after be forgotten. Perhaps he would be pleased to know that centuries later people still study his work, but most of us can never hope to achieve this type of legacy.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius was repetitive and a tough read given the translation, beliefs of the times and the dot point nature begging an overarching structure that just wasn't there. In this case, the sense of accomplishment I feel after reading Meditations is greater than my rating, but 'I make no complaint of it' and am more than satisfied.

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: 12 Rules for Life - An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson

Incorporating psychology; psychoanalysis; neuroscience; philosophy; ancient and modern literature; history; mythology; religious texts; poetry; current affairs; cases from his work as a clinical psychologist and stories of his life growing up, 12 Rules For Life - An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson is a difficult book to define.

Listening on audiobook to his distinctly Canadian voice, I was educated and inspired. I had some existing thoughts reaffirmed and challenged from a new viewpoint, and my mind opened to new ideas and concepts. Peterson is quick to explain:

"I'm not for a moment claiming, however, that I am entirely correct or complete in my thinking. Being is far more complicated than one person can know and I don't have the whole story. I'm simply offering the best I can manage." Overture

The best he can manage is a whole lot more than I have been managing and I enjoyed his perspectives immensely. You might assume the 12 rules of the title could be distilled into bullet points to save the reader some 15+ hours of reading time. Perhaps you're even hoping I'll do that here, but unfortunately you'd be wrong. Peterson's content isn't so easily summarised, Rule 12 is entitled Pet A Cat When You Encounter One on the Street for example.

Beginning with the behaviour of lobsters to introduce natural hierarchy and relate it back to humans was fascinating. The first two rules (Rule 1: Stand up Straight with Your Shoulders Back and Rule 2: Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible for Helping) were immediately inspiring and motivated me to take a chance on applying for something.

"You need to consider the future and think, what might my life look like if I were caring for myself properly? What career would challenge me and render me productive and helpful so that I could shoulder my share of the load and enjoy the consequences. What should I be doing when I have some freedom to improve my health, expand my knowledge and strengthen my body. You need to know where you are so you can start to chart your course." Rule 2 Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible for Helping

The author touches on all fields of study mentioned above, but the key quote I want to remember and come back to again because it inspired me to tackle a long neglected issue arrived in Rule 4: Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not to Who Someone Else is Today and it goes like this:

"Ask yourself: is there one thing that exists in disarray in your life or your situation that you could, and would, set straight? Could you, and would you, fix that one thing that announces itself humbly in need of repair? Could you do it now? Imagine that you are someone with whom you must negotiate. Imagine further that you are lazy, touchy, resentful and hard to get along with. With that attitude, it’s not going to be easy to get you moving. You might have to use a little charm and playfulness. “Excuse me,” you might say to yourself, without irony or sarcasm. “I’m trying to reduce some of the unnecessary suffering around here. I could use some help.” Keep the derision at bay. “I’m wondering if there is anything that you would be willing to do? I’d be very grateful for your service.” Ask honestly and with humility. That’s no simple matter." Rule 4: Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not to Who Someone Else is Today

As well as being educational, Peterson also makes me laugh. His story about taking the spoon back from his son and babysitting a neighbour's child had me chuckling. It's not often that I have two five star reading experiences back to back, but 12 Rules For Life - An Antidote to Chaos is the third five star book I read in a row last month.

Jordan B. Peterson is engaging and I always come away from reading his work having learned something new. He also practices what he preaches - Rule 8 is Tell the Truth or At Least Don't Lie - and causes a sensation online when discussing hot topics from time to time. Acknowledging his sometimes polarising nature, I recently enjoyed his in depth interview with Elon Musk which you can watch in full for free here.

It's likely 12 Rules for Life - An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson is now one of my favourite self help books of all time and I'm still letting it percolate in my mind, but already have plans to read his next book Beyond Order - 12 More Rules For Life.

The author's overall message is to encourage and inspire all of mankind to strive and improve themselves and continue to evolve. While plenty of people in the world don't want to do that, or believe they don't need to do that, I don't know anyone - Peterson included - who wouldn't benefit from doing precisely that.

Highly recommended!

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Earlier this year I saw Charles Duhigg was releasing Supercommunicators - How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. Keenly anticipating the pearls of wisdom within yet frustrated by the future dated release, I noticed he had an earlier title The Power of Habit - Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change. 

Every now and again I feel ready for some self improvement and self help literature, so I decided to try The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I'm always hopeful I'll experience an 'a-ha' moment or discover a new insight that'll help me achieve my goals.

In retrospect, I should have just waited for Supercommunicators, but I had one particular habit I wanted to change by mid year and was optimistic this book might give me a new perspective or strategy to try. Instead Duhigg didn't offer this reader anything new.

There were plenty of examples of workplace habits and habits embedded in a range of companies and industries which I interpreted as mere company culture. Examples highlighted the benefits of changing individual habits for better practices across the workforce, but this just left me feeling like I'd read a business book on change management.

Listening to the audiobook, I also began to notice a repetition in the text read by the narrator that I might not have noticed in print; in fact I'm sure I wouldn't. When recounting pretty much anything - an anecdote from a worker or employee for instance - the author would say the person "told me". Well, I'd love to be able to count the number of times the author/narrator said "she/he/someone told me" because I'm sure it'd be impressive, but perhaps it's better I don't. Besides, it's time better spent reading anyway.

Ultimately The Power of Habit - Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change by Charles Duhigg didn't offer me any new insights into habits and behaviour, but perhaps that's not surprising given this isn't my first time reading a book about habits. Perhaps it's becoming a habit? (pun intended).

The Power of Habit - Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change by Charles Duhigg is a solid read recommended for readers new to the topic.

Check out my reviews of:

• Better Than Before - Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin ⭐⭐⭐
• Atomic Habits - An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear ⭐⭐⭐

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Review: Magic Words by Jonah Berger

Magic Words - What to Say to Get Your Way by Jonah Berger was an interesting audiobook and the author's research promises to reveal 'how six types of words can increase your impact in every area from persuading others and building stronger relationships, to boosting creativity and motivating teams'.

According to Berger, digital language processing tools have revolutionised the social sciences, and after analysing countless movie scripts, customer service calls, academic papers, millions of online reviews, song lyrics and more, he has comprised a list of six types of words.

Listening to this audiobook and flipping through the ebook from my library, I'm not left with 6 specific words burned into my brain - like please or thank you - rather the book was more about how to use words more effectively. Here's more in the author's words.

"This book uncovers the hidden science behind how language works. And more importantly how we can use it more effectively to persuade others, deepen relationships and be more successful at home and at work." Introduction

The one magic word I will take away from reading this is the word 'because'. The author tells us of an experiment where the test subject asked if they could push in front of a queue of people waiting in line to print a document. First they asked nicely and then they made the same request and used the word 'because' and followed on with words to the effect they were in a hurry. I was surprised that the word 'because' resulted in the request being met more favourably because it's an approach I already employ. (Pun intended).

Having said that, I thought the success lay in spending more time talking with the person to make a case, hence lessening the rudeness of the request and explaining the reason in an attempt to mitigate blowback. You could argue the word 'because' is a magic word, or in the act of using it, you're also achieving the above.

The second key takeaway for me was the fact that some of us want to claim a desired identity and Berger uses an example whereby young children were asked two questions in order to determine the best approach. Children were asked "can you help clean up the blocks?" or "can you be a helper and clean up the blocks?" Those asked to be helpers were more enthusiastic to help in the task.

Rephrasing the request makes the task of helping seem like an opportunity to claim the desired identity of helper and being a helper is a useful and positive experience that reflects well on the child. This also taps into the naughty/nice and good girl/good boy language that recognises and reinforces good behaviour. Interesting!

Magic Words - What to Say to Get Your Way by Jonah Berger is full of small moments like this, although having read How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, the majority of the content wasn't new to me. Readers fresh to the topic of language, the art of communication and social sciences will love this!

My Rating:

★ ★ ★ ★ ★